Marrying Rich...

It's that time of year again, when panic flows freely through the ivory tower and all of its hallowed halls. And as I slog through exam week, I thought it might be nice to look back on the last ten years, to some of the more creative excuses I've heard for why my students needed to reschedule their exams, or reasons why they missed them entirely. So sit back and enjoy the fact that this is NOT your job. Unless this IS your job, in which case I offer my apologies...


Excuse #10. My friends didn't know what time the exam started.
They were probably too busy jumping off that bridge over there. Please don't let me keep you... 

Excuse #9. There's a Yankees game at the same time as the exam. Can I take it tomorrow?
I would have been willing to consider this one if the student hadn't used it for the December finals... 

Excuse #8. There was a final?
Well, not for you...  

Excuse #7. I forgot to study, and didn't want to disappoint you.
Too late. 

Excuse #6. I thought I was failing and it wouldn't matter anyway.
Ironically, this is the first time THIS student got an answer correct all semester... 

Excuse #5. The bar didn't have wi-fi and I couldn't check the website to see when the exam began.
To this student's credit at least they tried to check... 

Excuse #4. I spilled beer on my day planner and couldn't read what I had written down.
Actually from the same student who gave #5 above. If only effort was enough... 

Excuse #3. I got married yesterday and lost track of time.
In that case, I hope you married rich. And if you're wondering who Rich is...you better find him. Quick! 

Excuse #2. I forgot where the classroom was. Can you give me directions?
Sure. It's that building across the street with the big golden arches on the roof. (Don't judge. He's a Visitor. And let's face it...at the rate he's going, he's probably going to end up there eventually. I'm just eliminating the middleman...) 

Excuse #1. I didn't realize I was in this class until three days ago. Can you get me up to speed?
Forgetting what time the exam starts is one thing. I'm even willing to forgive that you don't know how to find the classroom. Forgetting that you're IN a class in the first place? That goes beyond Visitor, and falls into the ever growing category of Things That Are Not My Problem. Cut your losses and try again next year.

Perhaps this clip--a caricature of actual conversations I've had with students--sums it up best. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find a quiet corner and weep for the future...